Q. What's the difference between a Essex bird & a bowling ball?
A. Nothing.. They both get picked up, fingered & then banged down an alley
Q. How do you make a Essex girl's eyes sparkle?
A. Shine a torch into her ear.
Q. How can you tell if a Essex girl is having a bad day?
A. Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Q. Did you hear about the big power cut at the Lakeside centre?
A. Forty Essex girls were stuck on the escalator for three hours
Q. What's a Essex girl's favourite wine?
A. "awwww, why can't I go to Lakeside?"
Q. What's the difference between a Essex girl and an ironing board?
A. Occasionally you have trouble getting the legs apart on an ironing board.
Q. What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and a Essex girl?
A. A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q. What does a Essex girl do with her cunt after sex?
A. She takes him down the pub.
Q. How many Essex girls does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie?
A. Five. One to stir the mixture and four to peel the smarties.
Q. What's the similarity between a Essex girl and a dog's turd?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up!
Q: Why is an Essex girl like a turtle ?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q. Why are Essex girls only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them if they take an hour.
Q. Why was the Essex girl so pleased to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 18 months?
A. Because the box said "From 2 to 5 years"
Q. What does a Essex girl say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
A. Is it mine?
Q. What do you call a Essex girl with an IQ of 50?
A. Cheat!
Q. How do you make a Essex girl laugh on a Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on a Wednesday
Q. What's the difference between a computer and a Essex girl?
A. You only have to punch information once into a computer.
Q. Why is it good to have a Essex girl passenger?
A. You can park in the handicapped spots.
Q. Why do Essex girls wear so much hair spray?
A. So they can catch all the things going over their heads.
Q. What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent Essex girl?
A. There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.
Q. What does it mean if you see a Essex girl with square boobs?
A. She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
Q. How do you plant dope?
A. Bury a Essex girl.
Q. What did the Essex girl say after the guy blew her in the ear?
A. Thanks for the refill.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and the Panama Canal?
A. One's a busy ditch.....
Q. Why do Essex girls write TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.
Q. Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shirts?
A. Tits Go In Front.
Q. What do you call a Surrey girl between two Essex girls?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the mating call of a Essex girl?
A. Gosh, I'm so drunk!
Q. What's the difference between Robert Maxwell and a Essex girl?
A. A Essex girl won't slip off your boat
Q. What do you call a Essex girl with half a brain?
A. Gifted!
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with a fiver on the top her head?
A: All you can eat, under a fiver.
Q: Why don't Essex girls eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q. How is a Essex girl like a beer bottle?
A. They are both empty from the neck up.
Q. What do you call a Essex girl with a whole brain?
A. A Golden Retriever!
Q. Why do Essex girls wear shoulder pads?
A. (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q. How do Essex girls pierce their ears?
A. They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q. How many Essex girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: "What's a light bulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q. How do Essex girl brain cells die?
A. Alone.
Q. What do you say to a Essex girl that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
Q. What's the difference between a Essex girl and a Porsche?
A. You don't lend the Porsche out to your friends.
Q. What's the difference between a Essex girl and a washing machine?
A. A washing machine won't spit your load out.
Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A. A washing machine doesn't follow you home after you've throw your load in it!!
Q. Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where you wash vegetables!
Q. How do you get a Essex girl to marry you?
A. Tell her she's pregnant.
Q. Why did the Essex girl scale the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Q. How do you pull a Essex girl?
A. By her earrings!
Q. What do you do if a Essex girl throws a grenade at you?
A. Catch it, pull out the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you see when you peer into a Essex girl's eyes?
A. The back of her head.
Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb Essex girl, and a smart Essex girl are walking down the street when they spot a £10 note. Who picks it up?
A. The dumb Essex girl. (There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart Essex girl)
Q. How do you confuse a Essex girl?
A. You don't. They're born that way.
Q. Did you hear about the Essex girl lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!
Q. Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
A. It kept falling out.
Q. What did the Essex girl say when asked "ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
A. "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."
Q. How did the Essex girl try to kill the bird?
A. She threw it off a cliff.
Q. What do you say to a Essex girl with no arms or legs?
A. "Nice tits!"
Q. What do you call 15 Essex girls in a circle?
A. A dope ring.
Q. What's the difference between a Essex girl wife and your job?
A. Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q. How do you describe a Essex girl surrounded by drooling idiots?
A. Flattered.
Q. Why did the Essex girl drown in the pool?
A. Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom.
Q. What's the difference between a Essex girl and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q. Why did the Essex girl go halfway to Norway then turn around and come home?
A. It took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.
Q. What did the Essex girl name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.
Q. What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A. "Debbie... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a Essex girl's head?
A. A Space Invader.
Q. Why did the Essex girl have a bruised navel?
A. Her boyfriend's from Essex too.
Q. Why did God create Essex girls?
A. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q. Why do Essex girls have one more brain cell than a cow?
A. So when you pull their tits, they don't shit on the floor.
Q. How can you tell if an Essex girl has been using a computer?
A. There's a note in the disk drive and a condom on the joystick
Q. Why do Essex girls like BMWs?
A. Because they can spell it.
Q. What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette?
A. An Essex Girl doing naked cartwheels.
Q: Why don't Essex girls use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do Essex girls do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the Essex girl?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly Essex girl?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the London girl?
A: "All the Essex girls have gone home!"
Q. How do you know when an Essex girl is having an orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
A8: A. She drops her donna kebabs
Q. How do you make an Essex girl laugh on Monday?
A. Tell her a joke on Friday!
Q. How do you stop an Essex girl getting pregnant?
A. Cut her brothers bollocks off
Q. How does an Essex girl turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.
Q. What designer label does an Essex girl have in her knickers?
A. Next!
Q. What does an Essex girl use for protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.
Q. What does the Essex girl say after sex?
A1: Thanks boys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you all play for the same team?
Q: What's the difference between the Blackpool tower and an Essex girl?
A: Not everybody's been up the Blackpool tower.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a telephone?
A: It costs 10p to use a telephone.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy?
A: The Essex girl has the higher sperm count.
